Dear Sirs (or Madames, as the case may be):
Now, let me preface what I'm going to write by admitting that I'm not perfection-in-a-bottle when it comes to driving... Had I been asked that question two and a half years ago, however, I might have indicated that I WAS. The awful truth is, though, that two years ago last July (at the age of 57), I had my first car accident as the driver of a vehicle that resulted in a total loss.
I forgot that one of the front tires was of a different width than the other three because, earlier the previous day, I'd had a flat and the spare was from an older, differently sized set. I took a very sharp turn at a good clip (no faster than I'd taken similar turns many times in the past with no ill effects, however) and that tiny bit of more width in that one front tire caused the entire vehicle to flip. (I think about two times, although I really wasn't counting at that moment.)
To my credit, I didn't hit anyone else or even damage anyone else's property. It broke BOTH of the axles on my Jeep, though, the fire dept. had to cut me out and I'm now sporting a titanium hip because of it -- but, I digress...
Nevertheless, this letter is to all of you other drivers -- men, women, young and old -- whom I encounter as I go about my business on a daily basis on the roadways of Northern California.
First, to the many of you who drive Volvos (Volvo station wagons, especially):
Yes, yes... Congratulations for purchasing such a safe automobile. Very shrewd of you.
Allow me to remind you, however, that driving an automobile with the best safety record on the books does NOT mean that you don't have to look both ways before pulling out into traffic or that you can take up half of the oncoming traffic lane in addition to your own around blind curves.
"Volvo" is NOT Swedish for "I now have super-powers". It DOES mean that whomsoever you run into with one will most likely come out on the losing end of the altercation -- unless, of course, it's a Mac Truck which may, in that event, prove to be your "kryptonite".
Speaking of so-called "safe drivers", I have a bone to pick with all of you... If no one has told you before, please, allow me to enlighten:
You see, the words "agonizingly slow" and "safe" are NOT synonymous. In fact, going 45 mph, even in the slow-lane, on a California freeway is anything BUT "safe". In fact, it's just the opposite of "safe"; it's very, very -- well -- "UNsafe" because those of us who don't live in your little fairy-world drive something called THE SPEED LIMIT.
I know you probably think of the speed limit as some kind of "loose suggestion"; however, the rest of us who live in the REAL California think of it more as an "absolute". So, when we come up from behind at about 70 mph to find you putting along at 45, it causes us no end of complications.
And, before you say "that's YOUR problem", imagine, if you will (this shouldn't be too difficult because, if you're the kind of driver I'm addressing, it probably happens to you several times a day), a scenario in which a car has roared up behind you at a much faster rate of speed than you.
Your first indication that something might be amiss would be the screeching of tires as the other driver brakes furiously. (This is a sound with which you've probably grown quite familiar.) Now, imagine the other driver glancing around furtively, desperately searching for an escape route to avoid rear-ending you, only to find a semi tractor-trailer rig taking up the only remaining lane. With no other way out, your Volvo then becomes the recipient of the full brunt of the impending impact.
You see? It really can become YOUR problem in the blink of an eye.
Which brings me to a word I'd like to impart to you regarding the use of "the brake" in all high-stress, impending-impact situations. That word is: DON'T.
The brake on your automobile is NOT a "life preserver" or magic foot-pedal that will save your life if stomped upon. In fact, in 99 out of 100 dicey situations, hitting the brake is the LAST thing you should do -- especially in a case like this:
You're about to turn left in an intersection on a green arrow when you see another vehicle entering the intersection from the opposite direction that has obviously either not seen the red light or some mechanical reason prevents it from being able to stop.
In instances like this, braking to a halt leaving your vehicle broadsided ACROSS the intersection and then staring open-mouthed at the oncoming vehicle in terror is NOT going to help you. What you SHOULD do is HIT THE GAS and get the heck outta the intersection BEFORE the other vehicle reaches your position. Simple as that -- collision avoided.
(This actually happened to me. Not "the other car hitting the gas and clearing the intersection" part; the "other car hitting the brake then staring at my approach in terror" part. Needless to say, collision NOT avoided.)
More impacts have been avoided by getting up some quick speed and then STEERING AROUND an obstacle than have ever been avoided by hitting the brake.
In my old VW bug, I once came around a one-lane blind curve with sheer 25-foot drop-offs on both sides to find a huge, older-model station wagon stalled and blocking the entire lane. Instead of trying to stop (which would have been completely useless), I floored it and steered around the station wagon with only about 4 feet or so of solid ground on one side of the wagon to work with. For a split-second, I swear both driver's side wheels -- front and back -- were turning in mid-air. I credit speed and my ability to accurately steer the vehicle (along with the fact that VW bugs had solid metal "plates" welded onto their under-carriages which were notoriously helpful in adding "lift" -- so much so that they had a tendency to become "hydrofoils" on wet pavement) with saving my life that day.
This brings me to a question: Why do so many of you with very small, compact cars act like you're steering a school bus?
I see you every day, swinging 10 feet out to the left to make right turns. Look: Your car isn't that big or that long that you need to cross over into the oncoming traffic lane in order to turn right into your driveway.
And, speaking of right turns --
The rest of the world behind you would really appreciate it, if you're going to be turning right, if you'd move over TOWARDS the right shoulder a little before you actually execute the turn. See, while you're stopped waiting for pedestrians to cross or traffic to clear, the rest of us are stuck behind you awaiting your pleasure. If you'd move a couple of feet over to the right BEFORE you get to the place where you're going turn, we could get around you and go on our merry ways. Thanks a BUNCH.
Now a word about center, so-called "suicide lanes" (well, actually TWO words): USE THEM.
In its infinite wisdom, the highway department created those center lanes as a kind of "no man's land" wherein one can not only BEGIN left turns but, END them, as well. They did this to assist the flow of traffic (also known as "all us other guys") so we wouldn't have to sit there waiting behind you while you seek that perfect "Zen moment" during which to execute your left turn.
Conversely, you don't actually have to wait for ALL of the traffic coming and going in both directions to clear BEFORE turning left onto a street that has a "suicide lane". That's the beauty of it, you see... You can wait for the traffic lanes NEAREST to you to clear, then turn into that middle lane, wait for the traffic that's going the same direction you're now going to offer a break and then MERGE INTO IT, thus completing your left-hand turn. I realize that, before they invented that center lane, everyone had to wait for cross traffic in both directions to clear before they even attempted to turn left but, they've had those center lanes for, oh, at least 25 YEARS now. Do us all a favor. Keep up with the times, wouldja?
And speaking of keeping up with the times, wouldja pick up a newspaper or listen to a news broadcast every once in awhile? The reason I ask this is because vehicle laws sometimes CHANGE and, if you don't keep up with what's happening at LEAST on a yearly basis, you may be violating some new law the DMV cooked up and not even KNOW it. Case in point:
California recently enacted a law that says if you're windshield wipers are on, your headlights have to be on, too. In other words, if visibility is bad enough that you must run your wipers to see to drive, you should have your headlights on to make YOU more visible to everybody else. This law has now been on the books for almost two years but you wouldn't beLIEVE the amount of people I see going down the road every DAY in the pouring rain with their lights off... (I flick my lights at them and they just stare at me like I'm insane... **sigh**)
In California for many, many years, you didn't have to stop and wait for a school bus to unload passengers if you were on the other side of the road going the opposite direction. I guess that didn't work out so well for somebody's kids 'cause they changed the law so that, now, cars on BOTH sides of the road have to stop but, for the first year or two after that law went into effect, self-righteous but totally WRONG drivers were STILL honking their horns at drivers obeying the new law -- even to the point of accelerating AROUND them, shouting and shaking their fists (and other appendages) as they went. The only reason they don't do that still is because law enforcement agencies made a practice of following school buses around about six months into the new law and aggressively ticketed violators.
Cell phones and bicyclists I'm not even going to ATTEMPT to talk to you about at this time. I'll save that discourse for another day (or FIVE).
Thank-you for your kind attention, happy driving and have a very nice day (you putzes...).
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